+Yeahhhh that's what I tweeted after the MJ audition. MJ stands for Modern Jazz and Hip Hop, it's a dance CCA in NTU.
+It's like I'm kidding myself that I can dance. The feeling started when everyone gathered for a mass learning session. I couldn't keep up. There were about 50-70 people auditioning and everyone looked as though they had been dancing for their whole life. It was just quite bad, I wanted to go home then. But I stuck throughout the whole session, and then came the real audition where we had to dance in a small group in front of a panel of judges.
+Screwed up. The feeling of stupid came up again when I entered the audition room. One look at the panel of judges and I could tell they were professionals. Some were real dancers and trainers from outside, like Studio Wu and Dancing People or whatever their studio is. They talk about crews and all that industry terms, I don't know, somehow, professionals in their industries scare me a little. Like the image and creative directors from Shine. And those people from J-Team. Not forgetting those people from Ocean Butterflies.
+Up till then, I have this attitude that I'm just here for fun. Make new friends. 玩玩而已. But when I saw those judges, I knew that they were really serious. Some people really do take dancing so seriously, they are considering dancing as a career. Seems to me that I'm really stupid and naive to join just for fun, when I can't even dance in the first place. To me, dancing is more of an interest, and not a passion, I don't think I can imagine myself dancing to make ends meet. Singing, on the other hand...
+Anyway, the audition went really bad, I forgot the moves and everything. Doubt I left an impression on them. Sucks.
+And you know what, all these feelings probably stem from the fact that I'm very lonely in school. I find myself walking around and attending classes alone. Sometimes I don't even feel like eating lunch because I'm alone. Sure I know people, but apart from a few people from Vega, most of them are hi-bye friends.
+That's why I've been trying to join stuff. I want to make more friends. I really miss the times in JJ, where I could just go to the canteen or council room, and I know someone will be there. Someone whom I can have lunch with, talk nonsense with. Now I just walk to the canteen looking like a freaking loser I rather stay in the com lab and surf the net aimlessly. I need friends that I can be natural with, so I can let my guard down and just be myself.
+And it seems my plan isn't working out. I didn't make it for the SPMS club. I have a 5% chance of getting into MJ. I'll probably be friendless for the rest of the semester.
+Damn it, I miss JJ.
2 comments:
hello! just stumbled on your blog. i was frm jj too, but well u dont know me, but my friend, who u know and is also from jj council intro me to yr music. i love to sing too. im yr senior, and im also in ntu. that aside, i just want to encourage u to make more frens & be open to making them. i had the same feeling of loneliness in yr 1, but then everyone is still looking for a clique so that they can be in their comfort zone. don't lose hope and stay happy! uni life shd be fun :) i don't see the need to give names BUT don't worry! im not a cyber stalker and i wouldn't stalk u in ntu too (if u are worried)
U kidding? But the fact is that you are in MJ already^^ try to make friends there k? I'm a junior and cannot really dance well too > < Jia you together alright?? Haha just went by your post here=]
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