Maybe I should just stop trying.

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解

我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切

你又狠狠逼退我的防备

静静关上门来默数我的泪

+No, it's not for a girl, or for a person. It's for a group of friends that I try so hard to fit in, but I think I can't. I'm not sure. And maybe, it's all in my head.

You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

+I'm going to see Taylor Swift tomorrow! After waiting for years! YAY I can hardly wait. She really has been such an inspiration to me. Not to mention being super cute, pretty and adorable. ;)

A Summary of these few weeks!

+LOL That's basically it! Everyday dance! Dance until leg pain, back pain, hand pain, neck pain. And I'm not complaining! Not with the great company I'm having! R.R.O rocks!

Going down the 2010 memory lane!

+OMG Can you believe it's been yet another year? Time sure flies, doesn't it? Anyway, that means it's time for my annual blog post! Notable events that transpired! ;) (Click here to read the 2009 edition!) Let's see what happened in 2010 that was fun and exciting!

Love The Way You Lie (Part 2)

+I love this version of the song! Sorry about the soft vocals at the front part, I should really invest in a USB mic. ;)

Love The Way You Lie (Part II)

On the first page of our story
The future seemed so bright
Then this thing turned out so evil
I don't know why I'm still surprised

Even angels have their wicked schemes
And you take that to new extremes
But you'll always be my hero
Even though you've lost your mind

[Chorus]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's all right because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's all right because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Ohhh, I love the way you lie

Now there's gravel in our voices
Glass is shattered from the fight
In this tug of war, you'll always win
Even when I'm right

'Cause you feed me fables from your hand
With violent words and empty threats
And it's sick that all these battles
Are what keeps me satisfied

[Chorus]

So maybe I'm a masochist
I try to run but I don't wanna ever leave
Til the walls are goin' up
In smoke with all our memories

[Chorus]

+Thanks for watching! :D Do subscribe and follow me on twitter!

What a waste.

+I can't believe I wasted my 3000th tweet on this. What the shit. That said, do follow me on Twitter. :)

Damn it.

+Yeahhhh that's what I tweeted after the MJ audition. MJ stands for Modern Jazz and Hip Hop, it's a dance CCA in NTU.

+It's like I'm kidding myself that I can dance. The feeling started when everyone gathered for a mass learning session. I couldn't keep up. There were about 50-70 people auditioning and everyone looked as though they had been dancing for their whole life. It was just quite bad, I wanted to go home then. But I stuck throughout the whole session, and then came the real audition where we had to dance in a small group in front of a panel of judges.

+Screwed up. The feeling of stupid came up again when I entered the audition room. One look at the panel of judges and I could tell they were professionals. Some were real dancers and trainers from outside, like Studio Wu and Dancing People or whatever their studio is. They talk about crews and all that industry terms, I don't know, somehow, professionals in their industries scare me a little. Like the image and creative directors from Shine. And those people from J-Team. Not forgetting those people from Ocean Butterflies.

+Up till then, I have this attitude that I'm just here for fun. Make new friends. 玩玩而已. But when I saw those judges, I knew that they were really serious. Some people really do take dancing so seriously, they are considering dancing as a career. Seems to me that I'm really stupid and naive to join just for fun, when I can't even dance in the first place. To me, dancing is more of an interest, and not a passion, I don't think I can imagine myself dancing to make ends meet. Singing, on the other hand...

+Anyway, the audition went really bad, I forgot the moves and everything. Doubt I left an impression on them. Sucks.

+And you know what, all these feelings probably stem from the fact that I'm very lonely in school. I find myself walking around and attending classes alone. Sometimes I don't even feel like eating lunch because I'm alone. Sure I know people, but apart from a few people from Vega, most of them are hi-bye friends.

+That's why I've been trying to join stuff. I want to make more friends. I really miss the times in JJ, where I could just go to the canteen or council room, and I know someone will be there. Someone whom I can have lunch with, talk nonsense with. Now I just walk to the canteen looking like a freaking loser I rather stay in the com lab and surf the net aimlessly. I need friends that I can be natural with, so I can let my guard down and just be myself.

+And it seems my plan isn't working out. I didn't make it for the SPMS club. I have a 5% chance of getting into MJ. I'll probably be friendless for the rest of the semester.

+Damn it, I miss JJ.

Not Dead Yet

+It's been such a long time since I've posted here! Just wanna let everyone know that this blog is not dead yet! :D

+So what have I been up to lately? Nothing much, except for my FOC which just ended last weekend. Tiring is the one word to describe it. I would give the camp an overall of 70/100, as I feel that certain areas can be improved on. That said, it was enjoyable and I made a lot of new friends so I can't wait for school to start now!

Vega! Vega! Number 1!

+Oh, and recently I have been watching Mad Men, and I think it's really good. It's set in the 60's, and the story is about the people in an ad agency and their private lives. The writing is so detailed, the actors are so believable and the set and wardrobe is just impeccable. Everyone should watch it! The fourth season has just started airing in the US, and it has garnered some really positive reviews! Watch it if you can! :D

+Now to show off my sexahhh new toy, my iPad! It's such a hot commodity now in Singapore and I'm really glad I could get my hands on one! Thanks Ashley!

+By the way, this whole post was created on the iPad, you wouldn't believe how easy it is to type on it. ;)

Sad but True

+Ever feel like once you're in your 20s, time just flies? I had this random thought just now:

"Gosh it's June already. Time is sure flying by! Soon it'll be end of the year, then Orientation 2011! Yeah! Time to know more juniors! I'll be all like,"Hey! I'm Zhong Ru from the...argh crap. 26th batch. You guys are what? 30th batch? Yeah right, and I'm like 19. Kthxbye.""

+Seriously, this is it. When one turns 20, everyone expects great things from him. One needs to make it through college, one needs to get a job. One needs to get a girlfriend, one needs to get married. One needs to stop referring to oneself as "One". All these expectations are so bothersome. They tie you down and it's like for the foreseeable 4-5 years, it's scarily predictable. Okay, maybe not. Our lives have been predictable since we were 3.

+10 years from now, I'm going to be looking back at the 20 year old me and say,"Oh past-me, what happened to our hopes and dreams? Where's my dream job? Where's my dream car? Where's my dream partner? Where's my dream house? What have you been doing you lazy, stupid-"

+Yeah, you know what, screw off, future-me, this conversation isn't really happening. And FYI, here's what happened to those lofty dreams of yours/mine, whatever.

My name is not Squidward, for those wondering.

You Found Me, You Found Me

+Yeah I know it's been so long, blah blah blah. But I've just celebrated my birthday in Malaysia, early yeah, with my relatives. It's all nice and everything but I just find birthdays depressing. (That being said, I also find Valentine's Day and Christmas depressing. LOL.) I dread it every year. It's unexplainable. Actually, no. It probably can be explained but I don't know the exact reason. If I have to guess, it'll probably be that I'll be yet another year older, closer to the end. Hahaha. And it's also depressing to see yourself looking significantly older than you did when you were 16.

+Oh, another reason would be that I would somehow feel lonely even though I am hardly lonely on any of those occasions. Strange huh.

+GAHHH I refuse to turn 21! If I could, I would stay 19 forever. That's the optimal age for me! You're still a teenager, but old enough to do all sorts of funny things and old enough for people to take you seriously.

+Of course celebrating birthdays are fun, but so is sleeping it away in bed. :D


+This is a nice song! Just saying.